..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
