Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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