oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize