she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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