69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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