garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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