You're so nebulous sometimes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
