Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
