you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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