There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
