She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
