and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
