he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
