ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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