You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
