My pussy is not your playground.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
