you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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