I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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