How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
