okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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