I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
