It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
