I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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