Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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