i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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