God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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