we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
