I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
