he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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