why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize