Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
