So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
