I got chris browned last night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
