I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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