I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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