Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize