....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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