It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
