my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
