I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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