I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
