I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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