I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
