My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
