Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
