I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
