My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
