I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we have pet lesbian snakes
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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