The best revenge is premature balding
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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