I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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