ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize