mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize