I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
