When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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