My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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