I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
