I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
