Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
