Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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