Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
