Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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