Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
