before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
