just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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