she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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