So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
