piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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