I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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