so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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