we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
