Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
