Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
