I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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