I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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