Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
