we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
