Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
