Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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